i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
