i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
