Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
