OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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