I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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