Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's get the cat blown out
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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