I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
