i think i have herpe
just one?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
