You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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