so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
