I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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