You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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