Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
