i just had sex bonerless
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
