nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
