I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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