He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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