WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
