Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
