I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
zippers are such a cool invention
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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