ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
