she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you never un-have a 4some
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