i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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