You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize