If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
