I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
