Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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