i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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