Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
