Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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