I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
