We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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