Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
