After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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