Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
