he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
