i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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