Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
