i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
