id be glad to
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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