Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
