i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Houston, we have a squirter
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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