I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
