I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's the barista slut.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
