if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
