what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
