the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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