I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
