Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
smell my finger.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
