ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
