im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
