What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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