i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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