Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
