Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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