I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
