Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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