The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
