if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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