five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
