3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
