I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
