Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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