So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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