I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
