I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
