How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
